We will call her…

The Bleak Bitch, I have finally found a name for the nastiness that lives in my head. I hope one day to be free of this, Schizoaffective Disorder-Bipolar Type. When I feel up is it because I am happy or is it because it is lying to me. I am always in an internal war, does one know what it feels like to not be able to trust your mind. It is extremely hard when having a rough day and the boys are being boys. Yes I understand that mama’s can be down and out but I have to figure out if it’s them or me. And to be honest most days it is hard to sort it all out. Yes I am on meds and it helps but it isn’t the key. I want to not always be questioning the moment I am. I would like to have a brain going a million miles an hour. I want to know me, with out the lies. I have know idea who I am, I have been battling this since I was a teenager. Will I ever get to know me?

It is taking all my self control to not nap instead of keeping spring cleaning and purging.

Any spelling or grammar errors please forgive, this was written after taking an ambien.

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About TexasBobbi

Chronic Over-sharer with Schizoaffective bipolar type. Catholic Convert, Wife, Mother, Texas Aggie, Whovian.
This entry was posted in Bi-Polar, Mental Health, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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